I said no, no, NO.

2 Apr

I know, I know. There are points when this blog feels more like ToddlerLife than WestchesterLife. While for me, the two go hand in hand, I realize for some of you it may not. And for that I offer my apologies. And condolences that you live in this county without at least the excuse of children (i.e. good schools) for why you’re here.

So my latest kvetch really has to do with what I’d like to call the Pre-2 No’s. Jack is just shy of 20 months. And while we have exited one fussy period, we’ve entered another. And it’s days like today I really wonder how the kids of teen moms actually manage to stay alive. There’s NO WAY a 16-year old has patience for this crap.

Now, I used to daydream about myself as a parent. In previous posts, I shared with you my delusional fantasy of parenthood which included dining with my little at a chic corner bisto, me with cappuccino and he with cup o’cheerio. Alas, those fantasies will remain just that (along with the one where an unmarked package arrives at my door consisting of 4 pairs of custom Louboutin Biancas and an Hermes Kelly bag in trademark orange.) A girl can dream…

I also used to daydream about being the kind of nouveau parent that didn’t use the word “no.” Sure, I’d read about these people in my younger years; the ones who believed that the word “no” was stagnant, and halted creative development. Surely Basquiat’s parents never said no to him, and if they had, his infamous ‘SAMO’ graffiti tag might never have been.

Let’s just say that the word “no” has officially been my most-used word of 2011. Aaaannnnd 2012. Every other word out of my mouth is “no.” As he reaches for the razor on the bathroom counter: “Jack, NO!” As he starts to drag his big, wooden activity cube-center-thingy across the brand new espresso bamboo floors: “No!”  As he picks up an umpteenth role of toilet paper and starts to unravel it, with a mad-man grin on his face. “Please, no.” And a resounding, if not defeatist “NO!” as I see his arm lift up, and start to swipe all the food I just painstakingly cooked, cooled down, and cut up,  off his high chair tray and onto the floor and the waiting mouth of Leia the Wunderdog.

So tonight, as I sip from my second tequila on the rocks, I say a big “F-YOU” to those parents who coolly mention they don’t ever use the word “no.” I’d like to think your house is in shambles and you’re a bunch of big alcoholics, and you just put up with all of that nonsense because you think it makes you hipster parents. “No” is a valuable word in my book, and one that will be instilled in this kids brain if it kills me.

Now can someone pour me another drink?

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3 Responses to “I said no, no, NO.”

  1. nicole April 2, 2012 at 9:17 pm #

    I thought I was the only one who felt like a broken record. Almost every minute of every day is cluttered with “No” for me too. My son is going on three and what bothers me is that I will have to say “No” to the same thing three times in a row for him to actually stop. I need to get back on time outs.

    And to answer your question. Yes, I can pour you a drink – as long as you make mine a double.

    • ogradysarah April 3, 2012 at 10:31 am #

      Nicole, repeat after me: You are not alone.
      There.
      So we’re in this together. Except that I have you beat. I have to say “no” more than three times before it takes effect. In fact, I have been known to even say it in other languages. (“Nyet! Nyet!”). For some reason that makes me feel less crazy. Which is crazy in and of itself.

      Double on the rocks coming up. ; )

      • nicole April 3, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

        Haha! I haven’t had to resort to other languages yet. But I might just try it to get my “Nos” down to two! I’d feel less crazy too, it’s not like they’re listening anyway – might as well make it interesting for yourself!

        Thanks for the drink 😉

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